Another BYU Modesty Note: The Toxicity of Shame in LDS Culture

Let me preface this post by stating that I am a devout Mormon, an active and proud BYU student, and for the most part, greatly appreciative of the LDS culture that is characteristic of Utah Valley.  I have never been happier than I have been for the last two years which I spent in Provo.  That being said, there are certain aspects of Mormon culture that manifest themselves particularly nastily at BYU, and often target young women such as myself.

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This is a note I received sitting in the periodicals section of the BYU library.  It reads:

                Dear Cute Girl,

                I have seen you at the Library before and (first off I’m not trying to be creepy, Just a nice friend) you where [sic] that Blue Shirt a lot (which By the way the color looks really good) however I notice that its [sic] a little low cut.  The guy sitting in front of you a table away keeps Looking (Just thought I would warn you).  I hope you take care and help the boys around Here out in the future. So they don’t have the temptation.

Sincerly [sic], a friend looking out for you and the Boys

 

It was delivered to me quietly by a young woman I had never seen before.  I don’t know if she wrote the note herself or was delivering it for a friend. While I certainly appreciate her subtlety, (she didn’t make eye contact and sat down immediately after) I felt my heart sink as I saw the folded paper before me.  Everybody at BYU knows what a library note from girl to girl means.  I felt humiliated and sat in shamed shock as I read and reread the accusation packed among compliments and faux-concern: I was causing this young man to sin.  The shirt in question was a long sleeved t-shirt with a V-neck, one which had been given to me by my conservative mother and which I had worn to church in the past.  It was flattering, yes, but by no means inappropriate.

I looked up at the man who had been staring, and held eye contact, my eyebrows raised in a clear expression of disapproval.  He faltered, embarrassed at having been caught, quickly packed his backpack and left.  (That’s my preferred method for dealing with oglers, all women should take note, it’s very effective!)

                The man was gone, but I was left in a shallow pit of shame, embarrassed that the shirt my mother had bought me for my birthday was the star of a classic library controversy.  My shame melted into disgust, however, as I dissected the note further.

                Why had my BYU classmate written the note to me? The man who was staring was the active perpetrator, engaging in lustful behavior and thoughts; I was simply the object.  (Although as far as I know he had been spaced out with his eyes unfortunately aimed towards my chest.  I guess we’ll never know).  If this modesty vigilante had been so concerned with this man’s mental chastity, a much more appropriate note would have read: Dear Creepy Guy, I can see you openly staring at that young lady’s chest.  I just want to help you out by reminding you to keep your thoughts pure.  I hope you take care to help yourself out in the future by avoiding viewing women inappropriately, so you don’t have any temptations.  Sincerely, a friend looking out for you and the girls around you.

                Unfortunately, the blame fell to me.  I was causing this man to stare, never mind the fact that it was the silent section of the library, kept quiet to minimalize distractions so that students could focus on their studies.  This man apparently was so weak-minded that he was forced by the celestial power of my breasts to neglect his schoolwork and zero in on the one aspect of humanity that gives women power over men.  I was the slinky vixen, hell-bent on singlehandedly corroding the virtue of the poor, unsuspecting male population of Provo.

                Except not.  I put on a comfortable, cute T-shirt that flattered my body and was weather-appropriate, with no devilish, corrosive agenda.  Leading young men astray or drawing attention towards my breasts had been the last thing on my mind.  I can think of two possible solutions to remedy the situation I’ve described: I (and other women in the library) could have taken 25 minutes to go home and change, OR, this man could have simply refocused his attention to his schoolwork.  Which one seems more fair to ask?  Which one offers a long-term solution to his problem of being distracted by women’s bodies?  I was being asked to modify my clothing, when this man could have been asked to modify his behavior.

                If he was so jarred by the sight of the skin beneath my collarbone, can this poor ‘immodesty victim’ function outside of Provo?  I shudder to think of the moral decay he would experience on a beach in my native New York.  He can’t honestly expect each woman he encounters to completely obscure even the shape of her breasts.  His outlook on female modesty needed an adjustment, not my outfit.

                The letter I received warned me about “men’s temptations.”  Temptations to do WHAT, may I ask?  Touch my body inappropriately?  Have sex with me?  I can wholeheartedly promise that I would NOT allow that to happen.  The vagueness surrounding such “temptations” is frustrating.

Ignoring the fact that breasts have no sexual function and in many cultures are considered completely normal and unexciting body parts, my shirt was by no means overtly revealing, and I will continue to wear it without guilt.  It is downright dangerous to blame women for the thoughts of their antagonists.  Thoughts lead to words lead to actions lead to character.  I refuse to take responsibility for a man’s actions.  The selling point of our Heavenly Father’s Plan of Salvation was agency.  Men are blessed with a choice to entertain impure thoughts or not, regardless of their surroundings.  Heavenly Father has promised that He will never present us with temptation we cannot overcome.  The young man in the library exercised his agency.  I was completely outside of his decision to ogle me.

Instead of shaming women anonymously for wearing comfortable, practical clothing, it’s time we hold men accountable for their own thoughts and actions.  Men are not subject to carnal cravings; portraying them as such is insulting to men and dangerous for women.  While I appreciate the concern from my library “friend,” I am scared for the future if this modesty policing continues.

Some thoughts:

I have heard over and over and over again in church that “men are visual creatures.  Your physical appearance has a huge influence on men.”  Am I the only one who thinks that humans in general are visual creatures?  Maybe women just express their visually-driven nature in a more appropriate way.

The power a woman’s breasts have over men is highlighted consistently in YW lessons.  Perhaps the idea of women having power over men is terribly threatening, and that is what drives the LDS obsession with female modesty.

Has any man ever in the history of BYU ever received a note ever telling him that his clothing was ever tempting a woman ever?  Ever?  If women are expected to conduct themselves appropriately regardless of the physical appearance of those around them, so should men.

Sexual impurity (even in thought) seems to be the only sin for which someone else can be blamed.  If you’re able to turn down a friend who pressures you to drink alcohol, or disappoint a classmate who wants help cheating on an exam, you should be able to apply that same willpower to sexual sins. 

MEN: You have your agency.  You don’t have to stare if you don’t want to.  Please don’t play the victim here.  You’re better than that.

To the author/deliverer of that note: While I think your concern was misplaced, I sincerely appreciate the sweet compliments you gave me, and your discretion.

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This is the shirt in question.  Sexy?  Maybe.  Provocative to the point of taking away male agency?  Hahahahahaha!  Nope.

630 thoughts on “Another BYU Modesty Note: The Toxicity of Shame in LDS Culture

  1. If Mormon men can’t learn to keep their minds on their school work when faced with a woman dressed in the pictured shirt they don’t belong in the workforce. Little boys need to grow up and learn to control themselves. If this is what goes on in their heads I’m glad there are no Mormon men where I work.

    • I think you are mistaken with this comment. LDS or Mormon Men are not all like this. Just because one boy (because he doesn’t sound like a man) acted this way makes everyone in that religion just like him. LDS members graduating from BYU usually have a easy time getting into graduate school or landing a job due to the reputation of honest, hardworking and family oriented people. So I believe this is a unfair comment if you haven’t experienced working with people of this faith.

  2. I live in Utah Valley but don’t attend BYU. I never knew about the whole note thing that women send to each other. Kinda shocking. Btw, you should wear that shirt EVERY SINGLE DAY! Sounds like that poor girl need to get off her high horse.

  3. I totally agree with you and the shirt is very cute. It was the young man that should have received the note not you. This is exactly why I moved away from Utah. You keep wearing this shirt! I live in NC and love it here. I have an amazing ward and know that if that happened here the young man would get the note, never you! He will not be able to go out in public if he is distracted by a t-shirt like that, he should try working at my work. I work in a call center and some of the girls dress like the are going out to a club. Good luck with school.

  4. This just made me laugh. I have seen worsts blouses in my singles ward on Sundays than what you were wearing and I’m from Salt Lake.

  5. Sister Missionaries get hit on all the time and, believe me, they are not wearing anything provocative. I agree that the note should have gone to the guy.

  6. I LOVE this! Why do the girls get blamed for the guys’ problems? Especially when that shirt is better than most of the shirts that some of the women wear in my ward!
    This is like the problem we had a BYU when I was there (14 years ago) with the backpacks that only had one strap. They would go right across the chest and there was an uproar from the ‘men’ saying that we shouldn’t use them because they were drawing attention to our chests and making them have impure thoughts. MAKING them. HA! My choice in backpack is MAKING you have impure thoughts. Well, maybe you should learn to control your own thoughts and stop blaming me (and other girls).

  7. I hate how guys do that, and they are basically raised to judge women by that. Aside from the fact that Lds women, especially [the surplus] young moms, also taught to marry wayyyy too young, have a huge tendency to manipulate their garments to allow for “immodesty” and manipulate the whole wear whatever when you exercise. Yet, they would never pass a note like that in a gym, or a young mom with her baby with her, it’s solely criticism of single women. It’s ridiculous. And open to personal discretion, your definition of immodest will be different from mine (just had that convo about that and about sinning). I agree with you, grow up and learn to respect yourself enough to not judge, and to control yourself as well. Good for you for not banishing the shirt. Also, of he was such a friend, why sign as anything other than his name, obviously he knew it was wrong enough to not take responsibility for his actions.

  8. I liked the article, and I think it is an issue that needs to be addressed. However, as a male BYU student, I don’t think this accurately describes every male student on campus. I’m from Texas, so I’ve definitely seen the world outside Utah and have experienced some of the stereotypes associated with it, but you must understand that his opinions don’t reflect every lds guy nor the church. There is a lot of fun, outgoing gents that would have no problem whatsoever in taking you out without judgement or reserve because of a “low cut shirt”. Don’t mind those who don’t matter, because those who matter don’t mind. So don’t give up hope on the rest of us!
    Sincerly,
    the other side of BYU

  9. The fact that this is even a discussion is pretty ridiculous. People in general are visual and it’s ok to notice the opposite sex. Staring is a little weird but the shirt looks great. The church is plagued with over sensitivity. Who cares if someone looks. It doesn’t mean the guy was a creep or a rapist. It means he saw an attractive woman and if he was thinking about sex, here’s a news flash for you, So is every other man, all the freaking time. This is an example of why people think Mormons are weird, and they are justified in thinking so in this case. That girl that passed the note is probably 28 years old on her third degree and single… Still. Don’t get me wrong Byu is a different place and it should be, but that is just outrageous. People keep talking about controlling your thoughts. How about keeping them to yourself. The last thing Byu needs is another normal girl with good values feeling shamed because she is attractive. Keep wearing the shirt, looks great.

  10. I laughed out loud when I saw your shirt. I’m a firm believer in modesty, but men in the church need to be taught to look away and not entertain inappropriate thoughts just as much as girls need to be taught modesty. I recently read another article that said we shouldn’t dress modestly to please men, (or anyone else for that matter) we dress modestly to please Heavenly Father and show respect for ourselves. There is also a quote from Elder Holland in this same article where he basically says women should NOT be blamed for men’s thoughts or actions. There. We heard it straight from an apostle of The Lord. I know it makes it harder for guys, but you’re so right when you say God won’t give us any temptation we can’t handle. I get inappropriate comments from guys even though I dress modestly. Guys can’t control the fact that there are going to be girls out there that dress immodestly, so they need to learn to look away or think of something else.

  11. Lame notes from total douche bags aside, am I the only one who is even MORE concerned about the fact that this college-level male is unable to write a legible, properly spelled note?! Yikes, BYU. You let this guy in. (Don’t give this idiot another thought, N.Y.I.U. You look great).

    • You haven’t been paying attention or you didn’t read the original post…

      The man didn’t write it, the woman did…

      You would have no problems with this ensemble, if she were wearing a flesh tone brassiere? Or are you reading your own morality into it…. Oh my, I can see her brassiere! It must be of the devil!!!!

  12. While I wholeheartedly agree with most of what you say, I do disagree in one aspect. Though you may not have gotten dressed with the intention to “take away men’s agency,” what you were wearing was obviously distracting to at least two people. And maybe not because the shirt itself was immodest, but perhaps because you weren’t completely conscious of the way you may have been leaning forward or something. So I do think you need to take some responsibility instead of acting like it’s completely men’s fault for looking. In every situation like this, there is fault on both ends, so people need to stop saying it’s ALL men’s fault or ALL women’s fault. Women need to be very aware of how they’re presenting themselves, and men need to choose to use the willpower that they are definitely capable of.

    • I think it is important for all of us to realize, whilst we are struggling to be more Christlike ourselves, that we cannot grow our testimony by spending our time trying to figure out what another saint ‘intends’ or what they are doing unintentionally that may affect others in intended/unintended ways. This is described as ‘crazy making behavior’–because that’s what it does to a person, makes them crazy. And most importantly, it focuses our attention away from Christ.
      At University, students begin making tentative steps into the ‘real’ adult world. A place where nothing is ever black & white and where adults have no time to figure out what some saint may or may not have intended or done unintentionally and still honor your covenants to God, take care of your family, do your job and lead a bountiful life with the rewards the HF and Holy Spirit provide us.
      Looking to attach ‘blame’ to anyone is entirely counter-productive. Victim blaming only puts distance between ourselves and our fellow saints and victimizes/demonizes people that have nothing to be blamed for. The Lord did not say to us, “Go forth and judge, as ye be judged.” He sent us forth to be blessed by keeping his covenants and caring for one another.
      I don’t recall anywhere it says in the BoM or the Bible we are responsible for the actions–either intentional or not–or that our salvation is dependent upon individual saints living up to our specifications. Let go and let God…

      As an aside, enjoy your time in university. It’s the last real time of innocence and the last real opportunity for you to have someone else carry the freight. I encourage you to get as much education as you can. Being in school, although professors might be a hassle, is much better than working for a living. I started going to school in 1961 and didn’t stop until they drug me, kicking and screaming to the steps of university in 1998. I’d go back in a heartbeat…LOL

  13. As a man, I found this post to be very ‘thought’ provoking. I think it is absolutely absurd that you would be counselled on what is or is not appropriate to wear as a student at BYU you are well aware of the dress code and that shirt was not in violation of it. In scripture we are taught to achieve and maintain self mastery to include where our eyes focus and wander and to maintain our thoughts. This is ones own responsibility and it would have been fantastic had the ogler been delivered that note. I would have paid to see his reaction. Could make for a great YouTube video. In short, everyone is responsible for their own actions and sins, not those of another. Sure a woman could dress provocatively, will I notice? Yes. Do I have to leer and have inappropriate thoughts about her? That’s up to me, but personally I’ll do my best not to, and I’m not going to blame her for chosen attire. The Gospel provides us a way to live in the world, we don’t have to be of the world to enjoy ourselves.

  14. The picture of you in that shirt I think cunningly disguises what could have actually happened in the library that day. The picture is straight on, your shoulders pulled back to reveal minimal cleavage. Now let’s go to the library. Most people lean forward while studying to read their textbook, shoulders forward a bit, for at least some of the time. Add to that that this guy was likely taller than you, and you can reasonably infer that anybody in his position could see a couple inches of your cleavage. Any man would have looked! Your ignorance about how the male brain works is apparent if you don’t think most men’s gazes would not have lingered. Of course he should have looked away, but don’t pawn this off exclusively on him. You are both equally culpable, but for different sins. I’m sick of girls sacrificing modesty in the name of “cuteness”. Fact: that shirt is low cut by Mormon standards and the honor code. Fact: breasts are very much a sexualized body part in our culture. Fact: he should not stare at your breasts. Fact: your decision to wear that shirt as is will cause any but a gay man to be tempted, even if for a second. You both should have gotten a note. You look like you have a nice body and were blessed with big breasts. Good for you. Don’t marginalize that boy and control what you can control.

    • I have a good amount of self-awareness; I wouldn’t sit in a way that was inappropriate. From about 5 yards away the man’s height shouldn’t influence what he saw. I don’t think I’m ignorant of how the male brain works (and I’m pretty sure that there is no physiological difference between male and female brains). A man checking me out politely is fine, happens everyday. But he was gaping lecherously with his mouth hanging open and his eyes entranced. Besides Mormonism, besides feminism, staring is just rude.
      I don’t think we are equally culpable. I was sitting in the library, reading about Art History and not thinking about my body or “cuteness,” just about my upcoming quiz. And honestly, if he can’t focus because I’m wearing a V neck, how does he operate when he drives by billboards and window displays which reveal a lot more than I was showing? Dude needs to get a grip. Humiliating me for wearing a normal, BYU-approved outfit was uncalled for and that’s why I wrote this post (almost 6 months ago).

      • Not to be pedantic, but there are significant differences in brain physiology in males and females. For one thing, men respond to visual stimuli more than most women. Some times visual stimuli is all that it is necessary

      • You can see your bra significantly, you can see your cleavage = immodest. Solution = wear a cami, wear a different shirt. Maybe that guy was just trying to figure out your bra color. All I’m saying is that people, especially men, at BYU should have a reasonable expectation, based on the Honor Code, to not have to see this. Is that idealistic? Of course. Is that unrealistic, sadly, yes. The fact is you probably would not be able to wear that shirt with garments, and that appears to be the standard implicit in the Honor Code, whether you’re endowed or not. Men are exposed to that “stuff”, as you mentioned, everywhere else in the world. A bubble? Yes, and why not? I don’t understand why that is a bad thing for a couple of years. It’s like people are disparaging the higher standard that does and should prevail there. Why are we ashamed of that? It is not boasting, or a holier than thou attitude, or self-righteousness. (Alma 26) Why should we be ashamed to espouse and aspire to a higher standard? I don’t know, I’ve been “out in the world” for a few years no, so maybe things at BYU have changed. No hate, just outside observation and a differing opinion.

      • NYIU the comments of the past week have proven your title is exactly on. It’s been a week of toxic shaming from people claiming moral superiority. Which is more serious sin not choosing to someone else’s ideas of modest dress, or dressing to attract attention or rudely violating the privacy of a stranger with your moral judgements or entertaining purient thoughts of a stranger or is it assuming that superficial differences mean sin or is it piling on the victim of the day or is it criticizing that sister you have no intention or ability to uplift?
        You called it right, it’s a toxic society of conform or suffer cannibals. Keep thinking for yourself, you know righteousness is not what others think but recognition of your own worth.

    • We know that women have no sexual desire themselves so there is no need for men to change their dress and it would be absurd to ask them to wear some kind of eye wear to disrupt their view, but we do know that women are walking sexual beings and society needs to understand that men have little to no control over their sexual urges.

      The real solution is for women to wear a burqa in public. Women should ideally avoid eye contact with men and blushing in public, and should never bend over to pick up something in case a young helpless man sees her shapely bum and totally lose control of himself. We women are not only responsible for our own sin, but the reverence of men and boys around us. It is not important that a woman is focusing on her studies so that she can become an educated member of our society, she should be focusing on how studying too hard can cause a centimeter of breast tissue to be revealed if someone happens to be standing near by, above her, and innocently staring down her shirt.

      All of this embarrassment and shaming and guilt and feeling unintentionally/unwelcomingly sexualized can be totally avoided if the woman never leaves her home. What is she doing at a university anyhow?

      New Yorker in Utah – thank you so for your post. I grew up in Utah (SLC Valley), but non-Mormon. I got a lot of unwanted and humiliating attention/comments growing up and I always dressed “modestly.” It really means a lot that a woman inside the Mormon community is speaking out because you are also speaking on behalf of women and girls outside of the LDS community, but who don’t necessary feel they have “credibility” to speak on the subject because they “don’t share the same belief systems.”

      • I agree with the above comment and New Yorker in Utah. I am sorry any girl with breasts, which is all women, when they are sitting and slightly bent over studying, walking, or moving for crying out loud will show a centimes maybe of cleavage unless they wear a turtle neck every day which is crazy. I am from CA and also going to school at BYU and have experienced a similar situation myself. I think that people here spend way to much time thinking about what other people are doing and if someone is doing something that they think is wrong. People need to worry about themselves and learn not to be so judgmental. We are in this UT Valley bubble for a few yrs, hopefully haha. I mean your t-shirt was fine! It was in no way or form provocative and you know maybe that guy just thought you looked really cute cause I am sure you are. He may not have even been staring at your breasts ,and if he was he would have been staring at them no matter what shirt you were wearing. The modesty thing really bothers me women do not dress modestly for men! We choose to dress modestly as a way to respect ourselves and our bodies. If I feel covered and modest than who are you to tell me differently it is my life not yours that girl was out of line. Haters are going to hate and have a rude awakening when they enter the real world.

  15. “Is there any reason why Latter-day Saints, nearly three million strong, have to go around like sheep, following the disgusting fashions of the world? Why should Latter-day Saint women and girls expose themselves by immodest dress, either in short skirts or tight blouses or however else you want to mention it.
    I tell you, ladies, you are not made lovely by short skirts; when you stoop over or when you sit down, especially, are you not made lovely by short skirts. It is a very serious matter. Many a boy who has lost his virtue has confessed to me that short skirts and other exposures gave him the temptation that started him on his way down. No woman — certainly no Latter-day Saint woman — has the right to tempt any young man. You don’t have the right; and if you tempt others by exposing yourself, God will hold you to account for it…

    We are told in no uncertain terms in The Book of Mormon that sex sin is next to murder in the category of crime. These are things that we need to talk about in our homes with our children, and we strongly recommend that as Latter-day Saints we keep faith with our families and preserve the ideals and the standards and the faith that the Lord has given us through the restoration of the gospel in these last days.”
    Elder Mark E. Peterson of the Council of the 12, delivered at RS Conference, Hyde Park Chapel, London, England, May 27, 1967:

    Now I don’t personally think that particular shirt was immodest and I think the note was uncalled for but the principle is correct based on the statement above. There are many more statements by prophets and apostles the earliest of which I can’t find anymore but was Brigham Young who said something to the affect of If women understood what immodest dress did to a male they would never dress immodestly again. Keep in mind the kind of dress that would have been worn during Brigham Youngs day much more modest than anything we would see today.

    Now on a different note these statements do not excuse Men from their impure thoughts or actions they are still accountable, just not exclusively a small part of the blame does go to the immodestly dressed female. In the book of Mormon in Alma 39 Verse 4 Alma is talking to his son Corianton 4: Yea, she did steal away the hearts of many; but this was no excuse for thee, my son. Thou shouldst have tended to the ministry wherewith tho wast entrusted. We see here that although Isabel was a Harlot and obviously dressing very immodestly (which she will be judged for) Corianton is still held accountable.

    So please when playing the blame game look at all the facts and doctrine available and do not rely on your opinion to determine what you think is right or wrong seek the Spirit and the scriptures which will tell you the truth of all things. And please don’t think you know better than Prophets and Apostles. Heavenly Father says in D&C 1 38 What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same. (by servants he means Prophets and Apostles)

      • Speakeasy25,

        I am not sure what your comment is supposed to mean but I am moderately certain you are trying to insinuate that I am wrong. Perhaps I was not clear in the previous post, the vast majority of blame in a circumstance such as this falls to the male for not keeping his mind pure, however if there were no cleavage in his face to begin with he would not have had to even try. There is a small amount of blame and the women who dress immodestly are held accountable for the choices they make in dress. Perhaps you are a person who thinks that this is outdated doctrine but remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God is an unchanging being and just because society says to lighten up does not mean Heavenly Father will say yeah ya know what I have been uptight its not a big deal anymore. There is a reason why we are given garments in the Temple to show us what is appropriate to cover. Now keep in mind also the pendulum swings both ways men need to dress modestly also and would certainly be held accountable if they were tempting a woman to have impure thoughts. This is not a Man VS Woman issue this is a Right VS Wrong issue. Perhaps it would do you well to look at the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and see why Heavenly Father destroyed them sexual transgression was a major and perhaps the biggest contributing factor to their destruction. You are a daughter of God I am a son of God and as such we are expected to hold high standards in every aspect of our lives, including dress.

  16. As a guy at BYU, I absolutely agree. Should girls be modest? Yes. But whether they are modest or not does not excuse any man from having inappropriate thoughts. It makes me mad when I hear guys say something like that- as if it’s taken their agency away. That’s absurd-. That being said, let’s not generalize and think all guys or all Mormon guys do this as some have suggested. It’s stereotypes like this that show lack of understanding.

  17. Brian, I’m sending back to old and new testament class, you slept through those part and just flunked the final. The destruction of Sodom did not come due to sexual sin it came because of the hardness of the citizen’s hearts for the plight of strangers.
    Your have bought into the toxic myth that sex is impure. What did Christ say when asked to judge a woman who wasn’t just thinking sexually she was acting out? He said “neither do I accuse you. Go and sin no more”
    This is the gospel of redemption not accusation, shunning, hairsplitting or taboos.

    • Charlie, I’ll say it… you are mostly wrong.
      Sexual Impurity was ONE of the MANY reasons Sodom was destroyed.
      Christ never EXCUSED anyone’s sins, but told them, “sin no more”.
      Repentance is a process of seeking forgiveness and “sinning no more”.
      And we know, via the Scriptures and Modern Prophets, sexual sins are serious sins – NOT to be taken lightly.

      Brian is very correct in his opinion. If you don’t think so, take his opinion with you into your next meeting with your Bishop and ask HIS opinion…

  18. This makes me think of a time at girls camp when a nonmember who was invited by a member was yelled at because she wrapped a towel around herself (with her modest one piece swimsuit on underneath) as she was walking from the lake to her cabin. The camp leader who yelled at her said that she should put her shorts and shirt on over her swim suit because her shoulders were showing and there are Priesthood holders in camp. It was very embarrassing to the young lady who refused to return to camp another year and a complete insult to any Priesthood holder who was there. Not only did she not return to girls camp but she stopped going to church with her friend because of it.

    • Thank you! What if I were a nonmember who was unaccustomed to the LDS clothing police? What if I were a 17 year old who graduated early? I was a 17 year old college student and a letter like that would have been so inappropriate to a minor.

    • What’s with this swimming suited girl falling to an adult? What does that have to do with priesthood holders in Camp?

      God ordained us with the power of the Priesthood. However, it was not necessary to give, at least to me, the ability to know that all women are not sex objects. I think I was born knowing this, so it must be something Heavenly Father put in my head as I passed into this life.

      Does an adult yelling at a child about something the child knows nothing about promote the Gospel? Make people want to come to church or have the missionaries come talk Is this really the light of Christ shinning through us, allowing us to be more Christ like?

      • By feeling like you have to protect priesthood holders from seeing things they supposedly can’t handle infantilizes the priesthood. It almost turns the priesthood on its head.

        I forgot to mention, I am 56 years old. At some point in your lives, you won’t have time to worry about things like this. You’ll be too busy with the life you live–the Church, callings, your wife & kids, a job and about a million other things.

        This happened to me the first time I got a full time job and started buying things on time…

  19. Dear.
    Sometimes I think people living un Salt lake área live in a bubble and that they área not aware of what is going on in the rest of the world. Even the most pure and priestful man in the planet would look at a beautiful lady like you, if not he is probably not a good prospect to marry cause he is not going to give you kids. Those feelings are normal de just have ti control them. The people with the real problem are the one too concern about others and everything they can see with their eyes witch most of the time tell us wrong about others. Tolerance is not just a word it is a way of living. I’m married to a wonderful woman. She was not a member and she used to wear sleeveless and big cleavege tshirt but her heart was so innocent and pure she stole my heart. We hace three kids and de are sealed in the temple. I love the church but i understand that some mormons think they must look good people instead of being a good people with common sense. Love from Chile.

  20. You seem like a sweeheart but i need to be frank: you are badly ignorent of mens brains if you think that that is a appropriate clothes to wear to a MORMAN COLLEGE! im not even morman and i know its bad. especially if you are leaning over a desk!!! of course he looked and he shouldt have to look down your cleavage when he is just trying to study at a school where he was promised he wouldn’t have to see cleavage!!!! byu has an HONOR CODE, did you not know that when you came?? if you want to wear breasty shirts you should go to a different college!! im a very nice man so im going to explain to you that modest clothes are for YOUR OWN PROTECTION
    would you waer that shirt to JOB INTERVIEW?? PORBABLY NOT!
    girls can’t complain about the dress code because tey have so many clothes options at the store but men dont? if you have big boobies like you have you need to COVER THEM!!! what would your HUSBAND think? oh yea no REAL man wants to marry a girl like you

  21. 1 There no sexual act in the library.
    2 God made man and woman to be sexual.
    3 Adultery and marriage achieved by deception are serious sin because they involve covenant breaking.
    4 Unmarried sexual activity is dangerous becase it puts a divine calling to shame and is deception by misdirection. Those are two serioysly sinful things.
    5 We are a covw nant people: we do all things by covenant. When break them or knowingly refuse them, that is the essense of sin.
    6 Who told you I wasn’t a bishop?
    7 As a teacher I recommend you do some scripture study of difference between sin and transgression. First hint, sin is not rule breaking or disobedience, something else is required.

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